Put that in your pipe and smoke it

I knew it would come to this. I knew all of my shenanigans would inevitably lead to a pot discussion.  This is one issue I can totally come to terms with because i DO feel so strongly about it. I used to smoke marijuana. ALOT. I mean, I had more pot in me than I had Marlboros. Ive smoked out of anything you could possibly get to light. Ive done it. So this issue really does stand out to me. But, even though I may have been a stoner once in my life. I am kinda sideways on the fence about the legalize it or dont debate. First off, for ALLLLLLLLL of you that are like "OH GOD ITS THE DEVIL" do me a favor. Go google pot-related deaths. How many people overdosed? Hmmmm.....NONE. Ya know what happens when you smoke pot? Twinkies happen. Hot wings and skittles happen. I once ate an entire box of Capn Crunch. DRY. But before you get all worked up about pot making you fat....realize this. The internet is the leading cause of obesity. Honestly. It used to be television. But nobody watches that shit anymore. Pot also makes you sleepy. I have never died or been injured from taking a fantastic nap. The next big debate in the marijuana factor is when all you dumbfucks call it a "GATEWAY DRUG". You know what pot leads to?The refrigerator. I seriously think that all of these hypocrites that bitch and moan about pot need to sit down and pass a bowl between them. See if they disagree when the buzz kicks in. I have never smoked a joint and been like, "Totally OMG lets have some meth too!" Nobody does that shit. If it is so fucking bad for you, then why do they LEGALLY prescribed it to people? Go complain about something thats actually detrimental. Like cocaine or meth or heroin. If you gotta stir bleach in it its bad. Ya know the worst thing I ever put in my weed was an orange peel? Fruits good for you. Argue that shit. Now, Im not saying that we should let the government own it.  Seriously, think about it. Would you want a 5 dollar joint to cost you ten bucks plus tax? How hard is it to find pot. To quote Eminem "Marijuana is everywhere, where was you brought up?" (Yeah that made me look smart. Fuck you.)
Listen world....
Would you find it offensive if I was smoking my rosebushes? No.THEN WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK???
Its a plant. You know why its illegal? NOT because its dangerous.
BUT because the government knows that no matter what they do WE WILL FIND IT AND SMOKE IT.

Prostitution is dangerous. But people do it. Fuck, its even legal in some places.
Id rather have a buzz than herpes, anyday.

And you all know damn well, that no matter what they do...legalize it or dont....
we are gonna be mad.
Right now, we are all like "LEGALIZE IT"
And when/if they do...we are gonna go "ITS TO EXPENSIVE"

Why let the "man" take away what so many great hippies have sung songs about?

This is just my personal opinion. If I had been high when I wrote this...id probably be agreeing with all of you wanting it taxed. I mean, it sounds good. But the government will suck it dry just like they do everything else.

On that note, light up and take a toke for the pregnant lady.

The Force is Strong with This one.

Upon waking up this morning, I did the natural thing that everyone on the planet does....I checked my Facebook. I went to one of my favorite fan ages and scrolled through pictures as usual and came across a Star Wars themed XBOX 360.Oh yeah, you heard me. R2-D2 system with a C3PO controller. Oh hubba hubba. Lookin at me funny yet? Good. Let me explain something about myself to you. I am a dork, nerd, geek. Whatever you want to profile me as, I am it. I play Zelda for hours on end. Im the first one to take the kids toys out of the packaging and play with it. I will sit on the floor for nine hours and play with Legos because I WANT to. I can remember waking up on Christmas morning to open presents and receiving a Gameboy. Let me prove how lucky I was. A Gameboy COLOR. Oh yeaaaaahhhh. Complete with Pokemon Red. I was in heaven. I was the kid that collected all the cards. Then I moved on to Magic. And even now, with two kids and one on the way.....I do blissfully play video games until my eyes cross. I collect HeroClix and I have a raging obsession with Batman. Even my own children think im nuts. But ya know what? Those kids and adults that you call nerds...? The ones sitting in the back of the game store roleplaying and shooting magical spells at each other? They work all over your town. So be nice. One of them might be serving you lunch at your favorite restaurant. And you know the golden rule.....dont fuck with people that handle your food.

Prepare for the Vagina Apocalypse!!!

I owe this one...but ive been pissed about a few subjects for awhile, so this is well needed. First off, ladies...quit acting like you own men. You dont. Yeah, their hairy and dumb and sometimes act like dumbasses. But you know why they do this right? I mean...your a little aware right? Here let me tell you a secret...lean close...no, closer...okay, ready? MEN ARE MEN. They are so simple. They dont need alot to be happy. Quit acting like its an act of fucking congress to keep a relationship. I know so many women that BITCH and complain about everything. AND I am talking about GOOD relationships. Not bad ones. BUt ones where the man provides, loves and cares for his family. I have friends that are like this. (EX FRIENDS lets say) Look. Shut up, wash the dishes, and just be there for him. It doesnt take much. Feed him, wash his clothes, toss him in the sack. NEXT- DO NOT GET IN A RELATIONSHIP AND JUST QUIT. SO many women snag a man, and then just give the fuck up. "He doesnt find me attractive anymore.." Well, DUH BITCH. YOu gained thirty pounds and stopped wearing makeup. Remember when he picked you up for a date and you had to look your very best? Yeah, do you remember the day you quit? Im sure he does. Keep making lovey eyes at him, buy lingerie. Beef him up. Tell him how sexy he looks covered in transmission fluid. Lie. He wont know.

LAST THING.

I do not ever want to hear a fucking thing come out of a womans mouth about HORRIBLE sex with her significant other. Thats your fault, im sorry. Unless his dick doesnt work anymore...you are to blame. I know people that say..."well, we been doing it for 10 years and its the same shit over and over."Uhh....CHANGE IT THEN. Ive been with people a year and had sex 34304580395 different ways. Be imaginative, creative. Women get on my nerves and its crazy that we bitch about everything. Life is short. MAKE IT WORK.

This, my good fans, is why I am not a lesbian.

Haters gonna hate.

This goes out to all my other fan pages. All my dudes and chicas who created pages for our own amusement. People that like us all should actually READ the info page. Its a great idea, seriously. I get asked about fifteen times a damn day if im pregnant. Uh...yeah. It blatantly says it IN MY INFO SECTION. I love when I post something that annoys someone too. "OH NOES, SHE SAID THAT NASTY EFF WORD!" [UNLIKE] Ya know what? Fuck you. FUck your job, your house, your mother and your favorite color if you fucking got one. I didnt get on Facebook one day and think, "Well, by golly, im gonna go make friends." No. I created my page to entertain MYSELF. As did many of the other fan pages on here. If there is a problem at any time, and you feel offended...heres the steps to take. Find the article/sentence/invisible thing that offended you. Copy the page and print it. Take the page and crumble it up and then neatly stick it in your fucking ass. I did not wake up this morning to make you happy. I dont log on for YOUR entertainment. I do it for mine. For my sanity and for the safety of those around me. You can either "like" me and shut the fuck up and deal. Or you can kindly leave. THere is also the pretty little option to block you. Dont clog up my shit, telling me to be nice/clean it up/make it PG. Fuck you all. Just unlike me and go back to your sad existance. BUt please, dont let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out. ;)

Can I yell at you like you yell at them?

Hey, you. Yeah, you. Mom in the ceral aisle yelling at your brat to shut up. Mom in the restaurant watching your kids squirm in the floor and fling food while you talk on your phone. MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE IS MOMS THAT ONLY SCREAM. Now dont get me wrong, I yell at my little shitheads too. But not 47 times in a row. My kids get the 1-2-3. I say it once, yell it once, and then you feel it once. Bing bang boom. These moms that stand in stores..."sit down.sotdown.sitdownssitiidiwnwin....SIT THE FUCK DOWN!" Hey, heres an idea. Say it once. Then lean down close to their level and calmly say..."I asked you to plase sit down. You dont want to be the reason we leave." DO it three or four times and then back it up. Take em outside, swat their asses. NOW DONT TAKE THIS WRONG. I dont beat my kids. I dont have to. Mommy is all powerful. All fearing. Nobody fucks with mom. If mama aint happy, aint nobody happy. My boys were raised with respect, knowledge, and a swift backhand. They clean thier rooms, rinse their dishes....etc. I cannot stand these women that only yell because the children are only learning one thing. "Yelling is what to do when I want something" and then guess what happens? The kids yell and the moms yell back. Its okay, lazy mom. Givie it ten to twelve years. Dont call me when you need to bail for your child in lockup. Ill laugh when he smarts off to a cop. THis is your fault. I told you so.

Jesus doesnt love you anymore than I do.

Okay, let me start this off by saying this. I am not a very religious person. If you are, then kudos. I dont hate you for it, and I think its an amazing thing for you. BUT I AM SO SICK OF PEOPLE TRYING TO PUSH RELIGION ON OTHER PEOPLE. Let me set up a scenario for you. Im gonna come by your house at 6 a.m. Im gonna beat on your door like the fucking navy police. When you answer, groggy, pissy, and in your pajamas....im gonna blab on and on and on about why your going to hell because your not using Verizon. "Its a great carrier. They will help you with anything. Use them or perish." Would that piss you off? GOOD. Nobody likes to be told what to do, what to wear, how to talk...etc. And I especially hate people pushing it on kids. If its your kids, then good deal. Do what you beleive is right. Leave my fucking kids out of it. You know what my kids beleive in? Cookies and the fear of mom. Thats it. My kids know about jesus, god, and all that. But they are CHILDREN. Let them be naive, let them play and do what they want. They dont need to worry about heaven or hell. THEY ARE CHILDREN. I have no problem with religion, homosexuals, or what kind of toothpaste you use. But just because its your way of life...doesnt mean I want it to be mine. ANOTHER NOTE (last bitching, I promise) QUIT using religion as an excuse. Obama has a healthcare plan? OH GOD HE MUST BE SATAN! BLAME THE LESBIANS!!! We had a hurricane? OH GOD ITS BECAUSE OF ABORTION! ALL YOU SINNERS! Shut the fuck up. Beleive what you want. DO what you want. Eat what you want. Fuck who you want. WHATEVER. Just do me a favor and keep it to your fucking self. Thanks. Oh and Godspeed and shit. 

A rant. Read it. It has the word "cheese" in it.

I firmly believe that we are ruining the words of our next generation. Remember when "rad" and "far out" were cool?We dont use those words anymore. Know why? We killed them. We used them to death. AND now its "epic","win", and "fail". Im really fucking sick of hearing people say that things are full of fail. That is not possible. Ill prove it. Go buy a kiddie pool, bring it home, and put all your fail in it. Dont know how? Its because you fucking cant. Do something productive. Fill it with fucking cheese. Buy 2 tons of crackers. Have a huge party. Fill it with jell-o. Hold a bikini death match. Fail is not a noun. You cant eat it, squeeze it, or throw it. And "epic" is also used in the dumbest ways. "I went to to the mall and bought an epic shirt." No, you bought a normal shirt. It is only epic if it is covered in unicorn blood and signed by Jesus. Good god, we are dumbing our kids down. One day in the future, your child is going to use one of these sentences. They are going to sound like a sad, illiterate emo kid. DO me a favor. Slap them. In the mouth. Tell them T from MOWAB did it and they can thank me later.